I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the word ‘virgin’ recently. Something about it’s use really bothers me. Many people can define virgin, but most of them wouldn’t really agree.
The most common definition seems to be a person who has not participated in penetrative sex. But I know many people who have not had penetrative sex who’ve participated in sexual acts. And if penetration is the key feature, are we counting fingers or objects (or tongues)? Or is it only penises that can be held accountable for whether a person can be considered a virgin or not? (Don’t even get me started on consensual versus forced.) And what about those relationships where there is not a penis involved?
Oral sex is still sex. So does that mean that the first time someone goes down on you, you lose your virginity?
And that’s another thing. I never really felt like my virginity was something I ‘lost’. I kind of feel like I mostly just tried to throw it out a window. While I certainly believe that affection and love makes sex better for me, I never really held much stock in the state of virginity. The only reason I didn’t have sex sooner was because of the practical.
Why run the risk of pregnancy or STI if I can’t even guarantee that I’ll get an orgasm from my partner? So I stayed a virgin to penetration until I was nineteen. I didn’t really consider myself a virgin though, but I can understand why someone else might have felt that I was. Certainly, my mother considered me a virgin until I had vaginal intercourse with a guy.
I don’t know why it is so important whether a person is a virgin or not. I know that it isn’t just a state of body, but also of how someone perceives themselves. But when you think of who you are, is your sexual life one of the first things that pops into mind? My commitment to my life and husband comes to mind, but I don’t normally jump to our sex lives as a defining feature of who we are.
God, this all is just random, and I think I really need to work it out.